I can hear you breathing

But then again, I can't.

I can feel your breath on my skin

But it could just be the heater.

I can hear your whispers

They are so far away, it could be nothing.

I can feel you pulling

But it could just be my fear.

I can taste your kisses

But there's no one really there.

At least that's what I keep telling myself...

 

I know now why it is hard for me to feel motivated.  I know what keeps me in the same old rut.  I know what it is that I've been waiting for.

Passion.

Nothing just grabs me by the heart and says, "Come and get me."  There are many things that I enjoy, many things that I find awe-inspiring.  But nothing that I am passionate about.

Once I figure out my passion, I think it will be easier to be motivated to stay focused on other things as well.

Hmmm....too much sitting inside myself has let this beautiful world pass me by....ah time, so steady.

We can't run out of time....it's endlessly abundant.  We can, however, run out of vitality, we can over extend our resources, our lives can be snuffed by tragedy...but time....time is eternity.  Haha so ridiculous.

Today is a beautiful day,
As it is every year
What is so special about today?
What makes it so much different than yesterday?
Why is it more better-er than manyana?

Because it's my birthday! :)

Bwahaha

She tells me that she loves me.  I keep pushing her away.  She tells me that I am beautiful.  I wonder if she can see what I see.  I am an angel...so she claims.  I am a queen...these are  her words.  She keeps telling me that she loves me...why can't I just let her?  I am hers, she is mine...this is what she tells me.  She never wants to see me cry.  This is what she says.  She knows that tears no longer flow from these eyes, perhaps because the river has run dry.  I know that she never lies to me.  I know what she wants for me.  I know what she wants from me.  She knows me.  She loves me.  I want to let her.  Soon, so soon. 

When I look into her face, I can only see my reflection. 

Closest to my heart, yet so far out of reach.

Broken glass...and she's gone...

If you loved me so much to tell the world about me, then why aren't we still friends?

Tell me again what I've been waiting for.  Give me hope or reason.  What is it, then, that I've been holding out for?  I can barely remember your words, so far our of reach.  If it's something awful then I think I'll have to pass.  Is it something amazing just beyond my grasp?  Tell me, please, why you have to tease.  What's in this wish?  What is beyond this dream?  Toss me a line to keep me holding on, if you think it's so worthy.  If I cannot see your face then sing me a sweet tune, if your voice is too far to reach then send me a note cast by the breeze.  Let me know there is something waiting for me at the end of this tunnel. 

I don't need your sneers or snickers.  Don't poke, Don't prod.  Even though it's been so long, I still know what awaits at the end of your line.  I know what makes you weak.  I know what makes you strong.  Just send to me what I ask.  A tiny bit of what I already know should be enough...enough to let me know...that it'll be alright.  In the end.

It's hard for a leader to lead when the followers are always trying to bring him/her down.  If you don't want to follow then fine, just know that progress cannot be made if it is not allowed to be made.

Number one on my list:  Ghosts!!

They are scary.  They have no business haunting and terrifying people.  Why would someone do that?  Just not cool.  So, in conclusion, just say, "NO!" to ghosts.

Number two:  Aliens!!

Really though?  Probing?  Not cool.  Look, there is no reason to come to our lowly planet, there is nothing worth seeing here.  I mean, if you have the ability to travel through space then I'm sure you can find something more interesting than earth.  It is amazing, but, please, just stay out.

Aww man, guess I'm being abducted and haunted tonite...sheeze. 






If i tell you a secret, can you keep it a secret?

There is someone who follows me wherever I go.  He watches me whilst I am dreaming.  If I try to talk to him, he pulls at my very being and terrifies me.  I get scared sometimes....all the times.  I want to see his face and he laughs at me, telling me to wait.  Maybe it's all in my head, but then why does it feel so real?  I know the mind can manifest things to seem like reality, but why would I want to scare myself?  He laughs at me all the time.  He tells me that one day I will meet him, but until then he will have his fun.  I don't like it.  I don't like it at all.  Am I dreaming?  Am I crazy?  If so, when will this nightmare end? 

And all the while, she just stands there and stares as my world divides.  Fact and fiction, real and fake, dreams and reality mixed and mingled.  And she just mocks me.  Who is she?  My deary, I believe that is very clear to see.  Just look.

Something that you take from me with every word I speak...
A thing just floats away with every pixel that I see...

I spoke to you the other day and you left me feeling stiff
I asked to see your face, I could sense your smile, it did come with a chill
My blood was ice, my bones were mush, my heart was in a panic
You spoke to me, your words were sweet, you held me in your grasp
I could do not a thing as you wove your spell, it led me all astray
My mind did warp, my hands did tremble, but this feeling was so...

Terrifyingly delicious.  Spine-tinglingly suspicious.  Eerily trecherous.

For you.  Why must you make me wait?  For you.  Only for you.  Up until this day, only for you.  From the beginning of forever until the end of eternity...always and never...yesterday and tomorrow...for you.

In a dream...

When you say you love me...

It lifts the weight of the world;
All my troubles are cleanly washed away.

When you say you love me...

My soul is raised to the highest cloud;
My confidence and ability are maxed and unshakable.

When you say you love me...

Every tear I've cried simply means nothing;
My heart is saved from itself.

When you say you love me...

These feet can plod a thousand miles more;
Not even hunger can slow me down.

When you say you love me...

I feel safe and happy;
There is nothing else to know.

Too bad for me,
these things were never meant to be,
for these words from your lips
were never said to me.