Dear Universe:

Coincidence? I think not.  So what do you want me to do about it?

Yours truly,
Me

Tomorrow's my birthday and I must say, I am quite excited.  Not that I think that anything special is going to happen but, I dunno, I just feel good.  :-) :-D

No expectations should leave no disappointment....right?

Here it is
Right on time
That same old feeling once again

Just the thought
Oh, how insane
And blood rushes from my brain

Strange you say?
Only guys can get this way?
Well with girls, it's just the same

I want you here
I want you now
Please don't make me wait

No one's here
Just you and me
Hush away your fear

Come close to me
And closer still
Till there's no space in between

Don't hold back
It's quite alright
Together we will fade into the night

Fall with me
And you shall see
How dangerous I can be

In the morn
We will greet the sun
And see the damage we have done

Until then
The time is now
In lust we are as one

Snap back to reality
Just another dream
Leaves me hanging once again

Darn.

As an observer of things I have noted that the human race is a very gullible group of individuals.  I myself am gullible: I like to take things that people tell me at face value when they first say something to me.  But then I think, why did they tell me this?  What was the motivation behind this?  And this is not something that I enjoy.  I would like to be able to trust people in general, but alas... I digress... Back to the gulliblility of humans.  There are some people who would ask you to give logical proof of your claims before they will believe what you say, but there are others, so many others, who will believe you without a second thought.  These people are the sheep...they yearn to be led and herded about.  I generally do not take the lead, but I won't follow a leader who is clearly leading me on a false path.  The ones who ask questions but do not search for answers on their own.  They wait for someone else to come and give them the truth they seek.  With someone so eager to hear a truth, any truth, I can see how it would be easy to get this person to do whatever you want.  Just give them a false hope, false sense of righteousness, false sense of reality... Just because I say it, that doesn't make it true.  All it takes is for someone to believe me...  This may not be the best or most politically correct example, but the holocaust wouldn't have happened if no one believed what Hitler was saying...I doubt that he, himself, actually murdered many, if any, people.  If he did, well, then he did.  But it was those who believed him, those who were blindly following who wreaked havoc on that population... It's a shame that some people can't just take a step back and say hey, this is not right...why am I doing this?  If no one else does this then there is nothing for me to be afraid of...  I wonder how many people who have started a war have actually fought in it... How many people who write the rules are actually affected by them?  Even with so many religions...there are people who want to believe in something beyond the solidity of this little planet we share, but instead of seeking out their own truth, they just believe the hype.  Well, if the truth is already out there, why should I keep looking?  It's a shame.  But if it works for you then, hey, who am I to tell you that there is something wrong? And there are those who are quick to swoop down and cash in on these people's innocent gullibility.  They just want to believe and there are those who just take advantage...shame, shame, shame.  I do not claim any religion as my own, but that does not mean that I do not believe in things, 'otherworldly'.  I am seeking truth as it comes to me; it's hard for me to swallow something that was written by humans who were on drugs (everyone was on drugs when most if not all of those books were written, that's just how things were).  I mean, if it makes sense to me, then I have no problem entertaining it as a possibility of truth, but I will not, will not, will not be blindly led.  I feel that is why some people turn away from thier faith, they believe that their lives are supposed to be fine and dandly because they believe...life is life...the higher power put us here, the rest is up to us.

You don't have to believe me, you don't have to agree with me, it doesn't really matter to me.  I will speak regardless.  I can see my faults, it doesn't mean I am necessarily going to change...but can you see yours?

What do you do when your mind and body turn against you?  Your body says, "you suck at this" and your mind says the same...

But aren't me and my mind one in the same?  I know that I am not my body because it does what it does regardless of me...But the mind, Am I my mind or am I just the connection between my body and my mind?  I have a body, I have a mind...can I be something that I have?  I don't know, perhaps.  Maybe I am just taking this way out of context and causing my own insanity.  Maybe.

So anyways...what to do when you are truly alone in this world?  What to do when you can't even talk to yourself anymore?  What to do...? 

Maybe just check in to the nearest mental institution and just let them (the mind vs. the body) work it out, just sit in the middle until it's all better.

Am I really going this crazy?  Sheesh, this kinda sux.

There is something that has been on my mind for some time now: something that I think that you should know.  This is hard for me so please, just bear with me.  i just want you to know that I love you.  From the deepest depths of this cavernous, frigid, loneliest of hearts, I do so love you.  I don't need you to say anyting in response, I just need you to know.  I am always here for you, whenever you need me or just want me; even if you never want me. 

I will always only want for you happiness and peace.  I hope one day you can find what it is that you are searching for in this life because, even though you may not think so, you deserve it.  No matter what you may think of yourself, you are truly beautiful: no matter how the world beats you down, your heart remains pure and true.  You may not always say what you feel deep inside, but I know that you are unimaginably wonderful.  There are some things about yourself that you try to hide, but, true beauty always shines through even the darkest of covers. 

Please don't ever give up.  You are a glimmer of light in this ever graying place.   Tears do flow as I tell you this because it's one of those things that isn't said often.  You are my star, you are my Heaven on Earth, the angel sent to heal old, tremendous scars.  Somehow, even in your darkest hours, in your saddest bouts of dispair, you manage to give me hope.  Instead of thinking, "It could always be worse," you lift me up with, "It will always get better."  For that, I am truely grateful.  Shine on, oh star, brightest in the night sky...You are my dream come true.

Stop the madness!
Get on the f'n ball biotch
Time is tickin and it ain't goin backwards
Wake up!
Today is the only day!
Take it!!!

Let's go !!

I rise up, then something just hits me right in the stomach and knocks me flat on my face.  Every single time.  There's always something.  Why is it so wrong for me to not feel like crap?  Hello? Anyone? Somebody has to know.  I'm not looking for anything special, I just want to feel content.  Why does that throw off the balance of the universe?  I'm just trying to do good for myself, but apparently it's not meant to be.  So what the h3ll am I supposed to do?