Get over yourself. No one is in the least bit worried about you.

I dreamed of this day.  The day when i could be fully awake.  Even though I may still sleep sometimes, I'm still here.  You may try to escape to the haven that you call, "safe," but I am here now so don't be afraid.  I dreamed of the night, when sleep would come easy, when dreams would flow freely: wrapping me up so warm and so neatly.  And when the morning comes, I would rise with the sun to spread my light and leave shadows in my wake.  The time for pity has long since passed.  The time for despair has been over since before it began.  I'm here now.  Just relax, and let me take over from here.  That smile of yours...of mine...so dangerous.  Those eyes, those eyes...the other day we noticed a dimming of their light....but no more, my dear.  Now that I'm here.  Don't hold me back any longer.  Together, you and I, we will shine, shine, shine.  If this here thing will hold out, who knows what we can do.  But remember, even though it's my turn now, know that I always had faith in you.  You can never disappoint me.  Sweet dreams.  Sleep well.  I hope your mind takes you everywhere you want to go.

True that history has brought us a long way in these here "united" states.  But as I look at the election results I also see a blurb that says, "california bans gay marriage,"  I'm thinking, come on people, I thought it was time for change...  I open the link to find that it says that 7 out of 10 black voters voted for the ban while latinos and whites were split.  People are missing the big picture here.  How can you say that you want change when you keep doing things that cause others injustice?  How, especially, can those who have suffered through their own discrimination impose a similar fate to others?  Who is one citizen to say what another can do with his or her life?  It doesn't matter to me whether or not two gay people decide to get married, that's their choice.  It scares me how people are so eager to say no to something thing that would only cause the participants joy and glee, and yet embrace war and guns.   Things that always get someone killed, not sometimes, not on occassion: always.  "we need to protect ourselves," they say...protect ourselves from each other.  Is this what society is supposed to be?  Are we supposed to be so afraid that the only way to find solace is a device whose sole purpose is to end human life?  I wonder how many people have actually used a gun to protect his or herself....  We just seem to keep going backwards when we should move forward.  The time is now.  Live and let live.  Unless they are causing you or someone you cherish harm, let them be.

The Big Picture: the way things are is not the way things should be.  Life should not be this hard; the stuff that goes on inside your body is the complicated stuff... we just need to eat, sleep and have fun.

I wish I didn't care so much, so that I just wouldn't care.  But it just saddens me so.  I guess we still have a long long way to go.  Perhaps why I keep pulling away...

I think I'm going to stop trying to figure people out.  I do believe that will make my time here a little less... well, less trying.  I'm crazy, other people are crazy, and I think I can be ok with leaving it at that.  Yeah, I think I will try, try, and then try some more.  Why do people do the horrible things that they do? who knows and I will try to no longer let it bother me because, frankly, there is nothing I can do about it.  Some of the things that I worry about don't even really concern me so, you know what? I won't let it concern me any more.  As the world crashes down around me I will sip my tea and grin with glee because I will be, yes my friend I will be oh so very, very free.  The phrase of the century, "It is what it is."

Close your eyes and open your heart

So simple

I've been doin a lil bit of writing, nothing too intense, just some thoughts onto paper.  Um... been doin a lot of thinking...lots of thinking.  Somethings are starting to come together, some things are coming apart, but not in a bad way.. Soo yeea.  The newness may be lacking, but that is alright with me.

.....

.....

.....

Or lack thereof.

What exactly am I afraid of?

I just need to figure out: why should I even care?

What is really going to change if I "get excited"?

Nothing.

I must be wrong.  Please tell me I am wrong.

There has to be some reason...

I just need to find it.

Ah, Refreshing