Ok, so now that I am pretty much over complaining about people (hopefully) let's talk about me.

Who is me?
I am me and she is alone
She is always alone with me
I try to make a riddle where there is none
She just wants to connect, you know?

Inside of me there is so much that needs to be set free.  It's not something that can ever be written or even spoken.  It is something that needs to be felt.  I, she, me, want to share.  But, oh there is always a but, she has trouble connecting.  I see how easy it is to get into, but also how difficult it can become.  She wants others to come to me, but why would them come if they are not cordially invited?  So sad, so sad, but still not so much so.  Such a fool I am for living like this.  It's just easier to keep them at a distance, but that makes it so very, very difficult.  So difficult to get close.  I, she, me just want to share.  I guess there just has to be someone who wants to share as much as she does to let it happen.  This humanitarian nature of mine just wants to make someone (or some ones) feel special and appreciated.  But this stiff arm kind of makes it a challenge.  Just do it, right?

This is not specifically about singleness, although a change in status might be nice.  This is more about the general everything, everyone I "know"; friendships, kinships, big ships, little ships, all sorts of relationships...or lack thereof.

Who is me? Who is she? Who am I?
I am me and she is alone.  Always alone with me.

Nothing insightful or new to be said here, just some simple thoughts...

When you are born into this world there is only you and your body.  This is all the you get.  As you age, you explore the depths of your being, but still there is only you and your body.  It is what connects you to this place.  You can't pass it off as something trivial because it is not.  You don't have to study human anatomy to appreciate how much work goes into creating every single piece of your body.  And if you do then that should only grow your appreciation.  It all works together to be your vessle on this planet.  it could live without you but then it would only be a shell.  You could be without it but then you could only be an observer, perhaps.   I don't claim to know how it all came together, all I know is that the more I learn about it, them more amazed I am.  Autonomous.  It commands you, you command it.  It sends you a signal, you can respond, or you can not.  You tell it to do your bidding and if all is well, it does.  But neglect will cause it to rot away to nothing.  Overindulgence will cause it to become needy.  It's a giver, it's a taker.  It just does what it does.  You do your part and, barring some defect, it does its part.  It may not be perfect, but it is as close to perfection as can be imagined, at least in my eyes.

Life is imbalance.  Disorder.  The more order there is, the less alive the system is.  Once your body reaches equilibrium, you've been dead for a while. 

Ah another day with this glorious magnificence.  Oh neglectfulness.

This is where I am.  Too much just seems so bland to me.  Out of touch? Perhaps just a bit.  Some old things over and over and over and over again.  Not just with me.
 
Blah blah blah... I'm just soo booorrreedd.

Bored, bored. bored. boorrreedd. bleh

Too much time alone leaves too much time to think....bah! Need distraction! Study.... maybe...  :-/  watch tv online! yes! watch tv on tv! yes! go for a walk, perhaps... take a nap! yes!  exercise... not likely! eat some food! yes! yes! and yes! some more. (and, no I'm not overweight)  oooh yea...thoroughly distracted now. :D

just xyz this is just a random rambling.

What you see is what you get
Is this true, is this the real you?
What you give is what you get
If I smile, will you make it worth my while?

Do you feel me?
Can you see me?
If you know me, then is this the real me?

More questions than there are answers
Should I no longer ask?
Just because the answer is so crass

Look inside and you may find
Somethings bad, somethings bold
Somethings shy, somethings gold

Why hide? Just show yourself to me
Let me dream a little while longer
I'll wake when a light is seen
At the end of the winding tunnel

Such a fool, what a "tool"
Do as they say and as they do
Who is 'they'?
My dear, they is you

Whoever you want to blame
Blame for your lack of fame
Blame for your walk of shame
Blame them all, or blame yourself

No one can make you do anything
Your body is your own
The control is in your hands
Think what you wish but the truth is in the sands

The sands of time will always flow
Never stopping, and will  never slow
What's in this, nothing for it all
In the end.  Who will catch you when you fall?

Not me, for I am fake
I am flesh but my intentions are not true
I really don't care what you do to you
Just don't want to go it all alone..just like you

On and on, never with an end
Just trying out something different
Let's see if it finds a  friend

It really doesn't matter
No, doesn't matter quite at all
You won't be any happier or sadder
So just let el dolor fall

Deception: noun, A misleading falsehood

Is it innate or learned? The product of genius or merely instinctual? 

Why ask why when you can just lie...?

Honesty. noun:  truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness

Is it nature or a product of civilization?  Does it show kindness or naivety?

"The truth will set you free"

Belief. noun: confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof; mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality or validity of something.

Who was the first person to believe?  When can 'to believe' become 'to know'?  Is it possible to trick the mind into 'knowledge' of something that is really only belief?

Believe in what you cannot truly know. Either way: the truth just is.

Truth is independent of belief

Reality. noun: the quality or state of being actual or true

No explanation needed

"It is what it is"

I had recently fallen back into one of my "I hate people" phases and this time it was quite extreme.  It is quite true that I am unfond of the manner in which many people go about doing things but, this morning something had changed.  This morning my peace was renewed.

Tis the time of year when people like to ask, "So what did you get for Christmas?"  I reply with the truth, "I don't celebrate Christmas."  Some people are shocked and others are just curious.  "Why not?" they ask.  "Because I am not Christian," is my reply.  "Oh," they say, "then what are you?"  "I am not affiliated," and I leave it at that.

Sometimes when I revisit my day before I go to sleep or after I awaken, I think about conversations that I have had and add in somethings that I think would have made them more worthwhile.  I was never articulate with my words; even though my thoughts are clear I am very clumsy in speech.  Maybe this leads others to believe that I am an idiot, well, I am so it doesn't bother me much.  Anyways, I was thinking of a conversation I had and thought of how I could elaborate my non-affiliation.  I'm not religious, I am more spiritual.  Cliche, I know, but the truth is sometimes so trite. 

I feel that sometimes, people use religion the way that they use money:  They let it have power over them.  Some let it rule them and so without it, they become nothing.  I am not here to criticize anyone or their beliefs.  When it comes to matters of this world, I have no problem accepting the simple things that people tell me or show me.  But when it comes to that...I prefer to seek my own truth.  I do realize, however, that even my truth has some inklings of Christianity but, I do believe it is because that is the most prevailent religion in my area.  Had I been born and raised somewhere else with a different religion all around me, my thoughts would definately show traces of it.  Every night I pray to the Lord. What Lord? Whose Lord?  It doesn't matter.  But every night I pray for peace.  Not world peace or peace among neighbors, I pray for peace within ourselves.  I pray that we can all find that peace and let it grow eternally.

Today, like many days before, I realized that I can't change the world.  The only one I can change is myself.  Again with the hackneyed sayings but they are common for a reason.  I've fallen in love with this planet and all its splendor, glory, and beauty.  I've always been a sucker for nature; I've even hugged a tree or two (literally, no lie).  But I know that as much disdain I have for what society has become, people will always need people.  I need people.  As annoying as the people around my can be sometimes, I know that I would be completely lost without them.  When I look at my nephew, he's one, all cares fade away.  My back and feet hurt from standing at work all day but when I go home I can stand and watch him toddling around with no problem.  And when he smiles, nothing else matters.

Holding on to bad feelings brings nothing more than bad feelings.  I have been given the chance to leave it all behind.  It's as though my slate has been wiped clean.  I hope that this feeling stays with me.  I hope that I can grow with it. 

Peace. Eternal. Hope. Bliss.