Today Anew

I had recently fallen back into one of my "I hate people" phases and this time it was quite extreme.  It is quite true that I am unfond of the manner in which many people go about doing things but, this morning something had changed.  This morning my peace was renewed.

Tis the time of year when people like to ask, "So what did you get for Christmas?"  I reply with the truth, "I don't celebrate Christmas."  Some people are shocked and others are just curious.  "Why not?" they ask.  "Because I am not Christian," is my reply.  "Oh," they say, "then what are you?"  "I am not affiliated," and I leave it at that.

Sometimes when I revisit my day before I go to sleep or after I awaken, I think about conversations that I have had and add in somethings that I think would have made them more worthwhile.  I was never articulate with my words; even though my thoughts are clear I am very clumsy in speech.  Maybe this leads others to believe that I am an idiot, well, I am so it doesn't bother me much.  Anyways, I was thinking of a conversation I had and thought of how I could elaborate my non-affiliation.  I'm not religious, I am more spiritual.  Cliche, I know, but the truth is sometimes so trite. 

I feel that sometimes, people use religion the way that they use money:  They let it have power over them.  Some let it rule them and so without it, they become nothing.  I am not here to criticize anyone or their beliefs.  When it comes to matters of this world, I have no problem accepting the simple things that people tell me or show me.  But when it comes to that...I prefer to seek my own truth.  I do realize, however, that even my truth has some inklings of Christianity but, I do believe it is because that is the most prevailent religion in my area.  Had I been born and raised somewhere else with a different religion all around me, my thoughts would definately show traces of it.  Every night I pray to the Lord. What Lord? Whose Lord?  It doesn't matter.  But every night I pray for peace.  Not world peace or peace among neighbors, I pray for peace within ourselves.  I pray that we can all find that peace and let it grow eternally.

Today, like many days before, I realized that I can't change the world.  The only one I can change is myself.  Again with the hackneyed sayings but they are common for a reason.  I've fallen in love with this planet and all its splendor, glory, and beauty.  I've always been a sucker for nature; I've even hugged a tree or two (literally, no lie).  But I know that as much disdain I have for what society has become, people will always need people.  I need people.  As annoying as the people around my can be sometimes, I know that I would be completely lost without them.  When I look at my nephew, he's one, all cares fade away.  My back and feet hurt from standing at work all day but when I go home I can stand and watch him toddling around with no problem.  And when he smiles, nothing else matters.

Holding on to bad feelings brings nothing more than bad feelings.  I have been given the chance to leave it all behind.  It's as though my slate has been wiped clean.  I hope that this feeling stays with me.  I hope that I can grow with it. 

Peace. Eternal. Hope. Bliss.