Seems like me and crazy go hand in hand.

Me without it is just sad and pathetic.

Ah ha. Oh yes. 

Makes me smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I close my eyes and go to sleep

"The Queen is here!" They laugh and jeer

They tease me more, is this a dream?

The skies grow dark, but then there's light

Oh, here they come, their numbers have grown

But not this time, no they lift me high

"This place is yours, did you forget?

"So speak to her, tell her no lies.
That voice of yours she needs to hear
Truth is real, it's in your eyes.
That's all she needs to begin to heal"

No solar flare has been so brutal,
No meteor so merciless
No stardust has been so cruel to her
We are the cream of the crop.

 

Ugh, why a rollercoaster?  Why not a ferris wheel instead?

It may look like a ferris wheel from the outside, but, no, definately a friggen rollercoaster....like Space Mountain at Disney World, flyin around in the dark.  I think that was Space Mountain, yeah, right? Yeah.  I think it was.  Now that was one fun ride... ;) 

Really?  There's always a choice... there is always another way...there is always an alternative...there is always something else to be had or gained...inevitable?  This is the way that it is supposed to be?  Perhaps from the choices in the past, this is what has been sown...but inevitable?  I guess so.  Too late to change it now...especially if it is so inevitable.

Inevitable...unfortunately... so it would seem.


So tell me then...once again please remind me...then, why should I care?

Here we go again.

I just really like this song

And this one, too.  I had originally found this song mislabled as 'Pandemonium'; I kinda thought that fit it in a way.  But no, it is 'Conclusion.'

I love it how people like to sell you wellness all the time.  "The complete guide to your health,"  "The complete guide to happiness," "The complete guide to friendships,"  "The complete guide to spirituality," etc. etc.  If you really wanted people to know these things, you would just give them away.  I understand that people need to make a living but still... And if you really neeed a guide, then well maybe it's time to take a long hard look in  the mirror.  Maybe the health one could be useful, since just about everything we put into our bodies is ridiculously overprocessed, it might do some good to learn how to overcome that in some way.  But, otherwise you know what's wrong with you and what's right with you.  Believe it or not, barring severe mental handicap, we are all on the same playing field when it comes to these kinds of things.  I guess sometimes we may need a slight nudge to get us started, but I'm pretty sure that we could all just talk it out.  No need to spend your life savings on self-help... sometimes all you need is an ear, maybe a box of tissues and a shoulder.

Some things are always there; it just might be time to do some house cleaning to make more room.  Keep what you need, get rid of the clutter.

Ugh.

Seriously?

Who is born in shackles?

The only tether we have is to a gland once used to sustain our parasitic developmental stage and even that soon withers and falls off.

Freedom is the only thing that is free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bound by the constraints of society.

Bound by the fear of being hurt by each other.

Constantly fighting for something that we all are born with.

Unfortunateness at its best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freedom.  All I want is to be free.  Am I free?  Did I give up my freedom?  When?  Why?  I still have the ability to make choices.  I still have the ability to do whatever I want.  But....however....I am bound by the rules of the world that has been built around me; the world that has been built around everyone.  I could go out to live in the 'wild'....but....however....I lack the skills necessary to survive out there.  But, I am juust soo tired of this.  So tired.  I just don't care anymore because it just doesn't seem to matter.  What am I missing?  What can't I see that others can?  What is it?  Aye yai yai.  Where do I look?  When I look inside me, I see...that...what I want is to be something that I can't ever be.    What I want to be....what will allow me to be as truly free as I want to be...is something that I just can't be.

What do I want to be that is just so far out of my reach?  I want to be that one who is always smiling.  I want to be that one you know that you can count on to make your day a little bit brighter.  I want to be that one who is just a bucket of sunshine.  I want to be that word of encouragement that you can always count on.  I want to give.  I want to give it all.  I want to give indiscriminately.  I want to be awake and aware.  I want to be able to trusting and trustworthy.  I want to be loving and lovely.  I want to be.  Funny thing is... that is what I already am. 

I seem to have become clouded and shadowed.  Instead of smiling I am scowling or simply indifferent.  Instead of a kind word, my lips remain sealed.  Instead of sunshine, there is a hazy fog.  I am wandering and sleepwalking on a jagged path.  I have stopped giving.  I haven't gone as far as taking, maybe a little bit, but I just sit and stare.  I see myself, and this is not my self.  It feels like there is a sickness that is taking over and I just cant' shake it.  She's so scared...she ran away.

This place is cold and lonely without her.  A shell is just a shell when there is nothing inside.  Am I crazy, disturbed? You had better believe it.  But know that you don't want to walk a day in these worn out shoes.

Self...please come home.  I miss you.

Something I read in a textbook just now:

"I never found the order
I searched for
but always a sinister
and well-planned disorder
that increases in the hands
of those who hold power
while the others
who clamor for
a more kindly world
a world with less hunger
and more hopefulness
die of torture
in the prisons.
Don't come any closer
there's a stench of carrion
surrounding me.
                        Claribel Alegria,
                        "From the Bridge" "

Just thought I'd share.

My shoes are not as worn as I pretend them to be.  I walk on paved roads and through tiled hallways.  There are many who walk through mud and swampland barefoot.  I complain of discomfort when my room gets too hot when the heat comes on.  There are many who die of the cold each night.  My wardrobe hasn't been updated in about a year.  Some have only one shirt to wear; it's the only shirt that they've ever worn.  I go through the fridge and the cabinets and not finding something that I want say, "there is nothing to eat."  Some literally have nothing to eat.  I have 2 tests and 2 papers due next week.  Some have never even seen the inside of a classroom. 

So I ask myself, "What do I have to be unhappy about?"
I am unhappy because there are so many people who suffer needlessly.  Neglect.  Abuse.  I am unhappy because I thought that the whole point of becoming 'civilized' and being a social species meant that we help each other.  Apparently it means that we no longer have to be afraid of wolves and bears, but now we are threatened even worse by each other.  Clean water and a constant food supply?  These are things we perfected thousands of years ago, and yet...somehow...there are those who go without.  "Helping those in need."  In my opinion, there shouldn't even be such a phrase.

We like to attach monetary value to every thing.  The dollar seems to have truly become "almighty."  How much is a grain of rice...something that grows indiscriminately out of the ground?  How much does clean air cost...something that has been around for eons?  Clean water? How much does it cost to have a baby?  How much does it cost to go to the ER?  How much does it cost to be human?

The world economy is apparently in some kind of recession... what is the price of the human soul?

I can sit around and ponder these things...there are those who go to bed and wonder if their children will still be alive in the morning.

Every day new seeds are sown
For the hope that one day new trees will have grown

Everyone has their own story.

Never really know someone until you know them; either because they let you or it just happens over time.

sigh, more with the cliches

ah well, guess i'm a lil slower than i thought

what is goin on?

i really dun like it.

time for some intense meditation.

completely outta whack.

time to bring it all back.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t find out what it means to me.

not the first. not the only. keep that in mind.

thaanks.

It's been too long

:)