It feels like I'm suffocating.  Need a breath of fresh air.

Lend me that thing that beats inside of you
Don't be afraid, I just want to touch it.
Just let me close enough for my fingertips to feel
I just want to know what life feels like... 

They tell me it's supposed to be warm...
Pulsating so strongly, feeding life with every thump.
But, oh so fragile.  So weak indeed.

Oh, so you trust me with such a delicate thing?
My, my, I wouldn't be so bold if I were you...
You don't know me so well, but this I will tell

Give me an inch, I'll take the universe.

Give me a day, I'll take eternity.

Don't give me a thing....I'll make you beg for mercy.
Mercy from my grip on that thing...that beats to let you live.

Softly I will pet it, make it feel right at home.
Gently I will soothe it, mending old scars, patching old wounds.
I'll breathe into it my own life...thus making it mine.
My life is mine and mine alone, I'll give it to no one...and so now let's behold...
Too late to turn back now, my grip is quite strong.
I doubt you'd want me to let it go now; it'd take quite a fall.

...In my arms you won't sleep safely...

Just thought I'd let you know, before you gave me something so important.

I just don't want you to drown in this murky abyss.  Or maybe you could be the one to help pull me ashore...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Always running, or so it would seem.  Such a cliche way of speaking, no?

This just has not been my year.

Maybe if I wasn't so difficult.  But really, I'm not.  But then again...yea maybe a tad bit.  Mmm me thinks it depends on the situation.  Anywho...

Ach, no sweet verses to fall back on.  No tales of terror and/or peace.  No quiet.  No turbulence.  Just words.  Words without motivation are just lines and squiggles; just grunts and squeaks. 

"I tired."

Just seem to fall faster and farther.

Is it really fiction or just a parody of reality?

It's so blatant and in your face...but everyone just looks past or around it, or just straight into it like it's not even there.

But it is.  Like a nightmare that haunts every night.  Like the one cloud on an otherwise cloudless day.  Like that first ripple in the water.  Like the first spark of a tragic blaze.  Like the first frost of winter.  Like the first breath of a newborn baby...

Blinded.  Asahmed.  Haunted.  Beckoned.  Twisted.  Tormented.

Truth just is.  And what it is....it is that we, all of us, are an unbleachable stain.  Shout it out...Spray it, just try to wash us away.  Too set in.  Unwearable.  Just throw it away and get a new one.

The cycle is never ending.  The outcome is always the same.  Guess all that can be done is to just do your best, and the rest will just fall into place....or not....then we die.

So what?  The end to a fruitless harvest, constant work and toil...for what?  For whatever.  Right?  For whatever it is that is desired.  Whatever it is that is wanted.

But what I want...all I want...is peace.

For...forever.

Hmph...so easily manipulated are these thoughts; just one whisper of something and so the mind goes wild.  Wild.  Untamed.  Unmeasured.  Unimaginably incredible.  So Ridiculous.

It's human nature to be deceptive.  But, for some odd reason, this innate deception leads us to also be easily decieved.  Strange.

Kill me with a lie.  I'll heal you with the truth; or maybe it'll just leave you destroyed...a fate worse than death, perhaps.  Who knows?  Not me.  How many people who have "died" actually remember being dead?

Oh, How I waste my life.

As they steal into the night... and with a smile she whispers softly, "Let's play a game!"   She dashes away, glancing back only for a moment. 
He soon finds himself hurrying through the brush, chasing this dream.  Hard to see in the dark; a low tree branch slides its fingers against his face, letting its presence be known.  He stumbles on some roots, and is then pushed aside by a bush...almost like the woods are taunting him. 
But still, he presses on toward his shining star.  Through the forest he can see the moonlight, he can see a clearing, just up ahead, only a few more steps...or so it would seem. 
"Hee hee!"  he could hear the sweetest of giggles echo through the branches and leaves, pulling him ever closer.  His gaze was so focused on the light before him that an easily dodged, over-sized root sent him hurling, arms flailing, face-first into the grass. 
Shaken up, he raises his head and eyes to see that he had made it.  Before him stands the woman he had been chasing.  He is almost blinded by the reflection of the moon in the lake behind her.  It is like she is glowing.... A nighttime mist hangs just above the water and fireflies are playing their nightly game of tag. 
Her smile seems to erase all of the pain he feels from the fall.  She dashes over to him, kneeling down to help him up, "Are you ok?"  with that never fading smile.  All he can muster is an embarrassed chuckle and a weak nod of his head.  She helps him to his feet and brushes away the twigs and dirt. 
They walk slowly to the edge of the lake and take a seat.  He can't take his eyes away from her for a second: she is just too enchanting.  His sits with his legs stretched out in front of him; she sits facing him with one leg bent in front of her and the other reaching across his with her foot resting next to his hip.  The woman leans in close, "The night is yours." 

"Is this real?" he asks while gently caressing her leg. 

"As real as you want it to be," with that smile.  He takes his free hand and brushes it past her cheek, back into her hair.  Like taking a sip of one's favorite drink, he kisses her sweetly.  After a few moments, she pulls away to stand up. 
She takes his hand and leads him to the water.  "Let's have some fun."  Releasing his hand, she wets her feet.  Turning back to flash her grin, she motions with her hand for him to join.  The man hesitates. 
She turns back toward the water and steps deeper.  He begins to follow, afraid the moment will pass too soon.  She turns, reaching out to him, while still stepping backward.  His hand raises and his pace quickens...as much as it can in shallow water. 
Closer. Closer.  Almost there.  Their fingers nearly touching...  They are waist deep now.   Finally, close enough. 
He reaches out to grab her hand, but there is no hand to grab.  Blinking in the moonlight, he sees her image begin to fade away.  She is still smiling, reaching out for him, stepping back deeper into the lake...but he can't touch her.  That smile is gone now, wiped away from the scene.  Into the mist...into the darkness. 
Standing alone in the water, he stares out.  The mist is all around him, and the fireflies continue their joyous game.  "She's..." the mist is now in his eyes, the freshwater soon feels a tinge of saltiness in front of where he stands.  "Gone."  He shakes his head..."She's been gone.  This was just a dream." 
He turns to head back to shore.  Upon reaching dry land, his knees give way and he falls to his face.  He sobs openly.  Tears he had thought could never flow again sting his eyes.  He cries not for his loss, for the time of grieving had long passed, no, he cries because he let his mind be so easily swayed by shadows and the fog.  He had chased a ghost through the forest and followed it into the water only for a lie.  "She wasn't...there..."  The sound of crickets, along with the lapping of the water against the shore, and the stillness of the night lull him to sleep like a baby.

The moon watches over him like this every night.  It has been too long.  But, the light shines on.  As for that woman, she watches him as well.  And every night, she sees him falling deeper into himself, hating himself, wishing for her, and she weeps for him.  She can't help him because it is her that he holds on to.  The dream that she is...the happiness that she was...and the ghost that she has become...always haunting him. 

She steps out of the shadows, weeping.  Kneeling down, she caresses his face and whispers in his ear, "Please.  I want you  to be happy again.  You have to let me go," she nearly chokes on her words.  Her lips press softly against his cheek as again she fades from his presence, this time for real, into the mist....into the darkness.

He awakens and reaches his arm toward nothing.  "I can't."  His gaze is aimed out into the distance, which is soon distorted and blurred by a fresh batch of moisture, dampening his eyes.  "I can't!" he calls out...into the mist, into the darkness.  "I can't!" he whispers into the ground.  Yet again, like a baby, he cries himself to sleep.  He waits to be taken one day, just like she was, awaits to be taken swiftly out into the night, never to be....again.

So incredible.  Back and forth I go.  I guess, it's just that, hmm.  Something good, something bad.  Can't write them all off as the same.  Can't write them all off as detestable filth bags.  Can't write them all off as dumber than the average bear.  Can't seem to be less than disgusted by them, however.  Not a good pair of lenses to see them through.  Noooo, nooo, not so goood at aaall.  What is good, what is bad.  I'm sleeping again.

If I told a story that I know is fiction, but I believe is true, would you listen?  If I know that it never occurred, that the scenes and dialogue never transpired, but, if I have made this my reality, does that make me crazy?

Who am I kidding? Since when did I care if people thought I was crazy?

Here we go:

In the beginning, there was everything.  Before life, before light, before day, before night, there was everything.  At least, there was everything that could not be created and so could not be destroyed.  Where did it come from?  How could one ever know?  That's not something that is important.  And so, everything likes to grow, everything likes to change.  Somethings change a lot, somethings change a little.  Some things changed so as to create our little plot of land in this region of space. 

Hmmm, this is not good.  So I'll stop here.

When you say you love me...

It lifts the weight of the world;
All my troubles are cleanly washed away.

When you say you love me...

My soul is raised to the highest cloud;
My confidence and ability are maxed and unshakable.

When you say you love me...

Every tear I've cried simply means nothing;
My heart is saved from itself.

When you say you love me...

These feet can plod a thousand miles more;
Not even hunger can slow me down.

When you say you love me...

I feel safe and happy;
There is nothing else to know.

Too bad for me,
these things were never meant to be,
for these words from your lips
were never said to me.

Something that you take from me with every word I speak...
A thing just floats away with every pixel that I see...

I spoke to you the other day and you left me feeling stiff
I asked to see your face, I could sense your smile, it did come with a chill
My blood was ice, my bones were mush, my heart was in a panic
You spoke to me, your words were sweet, you held me in your grasp
I could do not a thing as you wove your spell, it led me all astray
My mind did warp, my hands did tremble, but this feeling was so...

Terrifyingly delicious.  Spine-tinglingly suspicious.  Eerily trecherous.

For you.  Why must you make me wait?  For you.  Only for you.  Up until this day, only for you.  From the beginning of forever until the end of eternity...always and never...yesterday and tomorrow...for you.

In a dream...